I had a lot on my mind and couldn't sleep... so I thought I would get it off my chest and hopefully get to bed...
(Lyla at 1 month)
Recently, I have heard of a few people whose babies/toddlers have had some serious health issues that are very difficult for the child and parents to endure. One case, the child had been diagnosed with a very severe disorder that has been devastating to the parents (I don't know them... they are a friend of a friend). Anyway, I heard about their heartbreaking story tonight and about another friends story in the past couple of days and it really just got me thinking...
There are so many things that can go wrong with our's and our children's health and some things are more severe than others. You hear about these stories about things that happen with other people's children, and you think hopefully to yourself "that probably wouldn't happen to my kids". And it doesn't really hit you until it happens to you or to someone you know. As I think about these people and what they are going through, it makes me want to cry. I feel for them so strongly, and I cannot even imagine what life must be like for them. Anyway, the point of this is not to talk about these people I am referring to. Here is my point...
I am the youngest child in my family and before Lyla was born, I had 7 nieces and nephews on my side. After marrying Nate, I gained 8 more nieces and nephews (now there are 12, almost 13). Out of all of these children, each of them ended up with good, strong, healthy , "normal" bodies. That isn't to say that they never got sick, but they were all considered "normal". When Lyla was diagnosed with Clubfoot, I was devastated. Not for me, but for her. I never thought that I would have a child that had a deformity, especially since no one in our family really had problems like that. I was so concerned for her and all the treatment she would have to go through to fix the problem. We were and are so grateful that nothing else was wrong since often times Clubfoot is linked to other disorders. We prayed and just knew that everything was going to be okay. That we had nothing we needed to worry about.
But still, even after all of that, I complained. I complained that her casts were such a pain. I complained that she had to wear her braces all day for 3 months. I complained that her shoes were such a pain to put on. I even said to Nate the other day that I really hope our other children don't get Clubfoot, as if it is this horrible thing. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want my children to have Clubfoot, it's more of the fact that I was so focused on something that seems so trivial. Now, after hearing what some other's are going through with their children, I can't believe I complained. I feel like what Lyla goes through really is not a big deal, at all. And I have felt that way for a while and she hardly seems to notice. It is what it is. She could have been so much worse off. But she isn't. She is healthy. She is happy. She is developing right on track. And doctors are so impressed with how great her feet are doing. She is blessed. I am blessed. Our family is blessed. And still, I complained.
So tonight, I want to say I am grateful. I am grateful for Lyla. I am grateful for all the ways that being her mother has helped me to grow. I am grateful for the love I have for her. I am grateful that she is healthy. I am grateful that the treatment for her feet has been going beautifully. I am grateful that we live in a time where she can be treated so she will be able to walk and be "normal". I am so sorry that I ever complained. I take it back, I do. And to those whose families who are on my mind tonight, thank you for putting things into perspective for me. You're in my prayers.
Goodnight.
