Lately I have been feeling so blessed and today I really just feel completely overwhelmed by it all. Maybe it's because I watched Saturday's Warrior and that movie always makes me emotional. But I want to write this down and talk about it a little because 1) I would feel ungrateful not doing so, and 2) I don't want to forget this feeling and this knowledge that I have. That knowledge is about:
- Heavenly Father's love for me, personally.
First of all, I have known that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me personally. Truly. But I have had a deeper glimpse of that love that He has for me and it is so very humbling and comforting. Second, angels. The earthly and heavenly kind. I truly believe that those that have passed on in life are actually here, helping Heavenly Father out in keeping an eye on us and helping us when we need it. I love this quote by President Joseph F. Smith that was relayed at our last General Conference by Elder Scott:
"Another example of revelation is this guidance given to President Joseph F. Smith: “I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. … We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors … who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break. … If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, … how much more certain it is … to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond … can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them. … We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; … their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.”1
|I love this Willow Tree! This model was given to my mom by someone and I was able to take it home with me recently. It just reminds me that she is there for me and watches over me. I love her!|
The past two months have been some of the most difficult and trying in my entire life. I'm not ready at all to talk about it publicly, but just know it's been hard. Really hard. And for now, I'm okay and I am not struggling emotionally nearly as much as I was two months ago.
Anyway, as most trials go, I have been able to grow so much in faith and testimony as I have witnessed God and His angels in my life. Heavenly Father has blessed me with the sweetest of tender mercies throughout this process. He has let me know things I needed to know before this trial even started that he knew I would have doubts about later. It has made me realize just how well He knows every single part of me. As I have received Priesthood blessings, I have been told that I have multiple angels watching and helping me. And not only do I strongly believe these words, but I have FELT them! I have felt Heavenly help throughout this process that has buoyed me up beyond my own personal capabilities. And as I think about these angels that Heavenly Father has sent to help me, I keep thinking of my mother and Heather and my Grandma Ruth, Randy, Grandma and Grandpa King, and people I probably don't even know and I kind of picture my mom as the Team Leader of these people who are helping me. Thinking about that just makes me smile and laugh all at the same time. I have no idea if that's how it actually works, but I know they are there. Not to mention the people here, alive on earth, who have also been angels to me and have been answers to prayers. The bottom line is, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with how much I feel loved, on both sides of the veil. And I truly wish that everyone knew that they have people rooting for them on the other side. No matter how big or small your trial may seem, they are there cheering for you!
All this thinking about angels has reminded me of an experience I had when I was a teenager:
One day I was running late to work and I really needed to leave. As I was about to rush out the door, my mom needed help going to the restroom. She was a quadriplegic and couldn't do those sorts of things on her own. I was really frustrated that she had waited until last minute to ask me and it was starting to hurt my back to lift her. I got mad and yelled a little and put her on the toilet. As I waited outside the bathroom for her to do her business, I broke down and started to cry. I said a prayer and just said "Heavenly Father, I can't do this on my own. I can't do this... PLEASE help me." I immediately felt less stressed after pouring my heart out. When my mom announced she was ready, I came into the bathroom and when I lifted her, she was lighter than I have ever felt her. Lifting her was completely effortless when before it was so hard and was straining my back. I was amazed. I knew Heavenly Father answered my prayer at that moment when I felt the most vulnerable. And it must have been one of his angels who helped to lift my mom at that moment. After that, she never felt that light again, but it was enough for me to know that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my struggles and would bless me when I couldn't do it any longer by myself.
I'm so grateful for these experiences. It makes me feel like I am even closer to my mom than I was when she was alive. It makes me feel like I have a better understanding of Heavenly Father and His love for us in every aspect of our lives. I just feel blessed and supported and excited for my life now and, when the time comes (and hopefully that is not for a long, long time:)), to meet those who have been there helping and rooting for me. Especially my mom, but most importantly my Savior. I seriously don't know what people do without a knowledge of our Savior and Heavenly Father. They love me and I love Them. My life is full and blessed and I couldn't be happier!
I'll step off my soap box :)