Thursday, April 2, 2009

I Don't Want To Grow Up

I don't know if anyone feels the way I do but I think I am having somewhat of an identity crisis.  Part of me feels like I am so grown up and the other part is still clinging to my inner-child.  I think I really realized this when I got my calling in my ward as the Young Women's Secretary.  I LOVE that I got called to this.  However, I have realized that I probably should act a little more like a leader than a young woman :)  A couple examples.... 1) During one of the leader's lessons, I found myself slouching in my chair like the other young women, and 2) We went ding-dong-ditching for mutual and dropped off cookies at people's homes and I found myself getting really anxious/nervous/scared/excited during the whole process!  I even told the girls that they should try ringing the doorbell to the tune "Jingle Bells".  How obnoxious am I?!?!  It's probably time to start acting like an adult around the youth :)  Anyway, here is a little list of why I think I am still like a teen and an adult at the same time...

  • I am financially responsible (pay bills, budget, etc.)
  • I am a mom.  I love like a mother.  I take care of a baby all day, every day and I think I do a descent job at it.  I am sort of picky when it comes to parenting, especially when it comes to disciplining children, but I think I may be starting a little young for Lyla.  Sometimes when I am feeding her and she is laying on the boppy and she unlatches from me, she'll start crying because she wants more milk and I for some reason think it is logical for me to say "Lyla, you need to stop, this is not the way to handle things".  She isn't even 4 months yet.  Kelly=psycho. 
  • I am a homemaker.  I am learning to cook more meals.  I clean (not often enough).  I try to organize.  I like to do crafts (when I have the time and material).  I try to make the home a nice place for Nate to come home to so he can relax and enjoy himself.
  • I am not a die-hard in politics but I have found that I am caring more about it in general.  
  • I like the news.
  • I like to go on walks with Lyla while pushing her in her stroller.  A very mom-like thing to do.
  • The things you read about me and my calling.
  • I still like to sleep in.  If Lyla gets up at 7:30 to eat, I put her back down afterwards and sleep for a couple of hours (Hey, why not while I can!).
  • I still have and wear all my skirts from junior high and high school.
  • I still think the perfect day would be spent at the beach, swimming in the ocean, and doing nothing (which is something I loved doing in high school). 
  • When Nate wants to go to bed earlier than I would like while we are watching 24 or some other series, I pout about it until he gives in.  And when he doesn't give in, I throw a small fit to see if I can get my way.  (I am working on it :))  But come on, last night we had ONE EPISODE LEFT in Season 4 of the 24 series and it was like 10:45 and I tried to be a good wife by saying that he should go to bed and that I wouldn't be upset.  So he decided to go to bed, and I was appalled that he would do such a thing.  Needless to say, we watched the last episode.  I love you Nate!
  • I still go on little shopping spree's with my dad and I LOVE IT!  He buys me anything I need.
  • I have a little girl crush on Zac Efron.  (But who doesn't?  WHAT A HUNK!) 
  • I still see girls and women and wish I could be just like them "when I grow up" or at some point.  I still get intimidated by many of them too.
  • I still think my brother's friends (that are girls) are SO AWESOME and look up to them in many, many ways, but I still get intimidated when I talk to them.
  • I love  I go on the website every day (since I can't afford the magazine) and I catch myself up on the latest celebrity gossip.
  •  I still have and sometimes wear my retainer.
  • I LOVE the Twilight books.  The movie wasn't as good, but I still ended up liking it.
  • I still have all of my D.A.R.E. bracelets.
Well since I can't be the only who still acts like a teen in their adult life, tell me, what part of your inner-teen still comes out? (Did that make sense?)

Lastly, I think I could go on FOREVER with this post.  I am so child-like but I need to go be an adult now and take care of my baby. Sorry it's so boring with no pictures, but I'll post some soon!!


Matt and Mandy said...

haha, you are too funny! I posted something similar a while back ( I think it's hits me hard every time my inquisitive 4-year-old asks me a hard question and looks at me fully confident that I know all the answers. I never really know the answers, but I always manage either a distraction or an acceptable answer. ;) At least I find comfort in knowing that my parents didn't have the answers either, but I didn't realize it until I had kids :). We're pretty good actresses, us moms, and we play several parts pretty well. We are constantly re-defining ourselves as we change stages - the newlywed stage, the baby stage, the toddler stage, the kids-in-school stage, we have to evolve to survive. :) I don't think having multiple personalities is such a bad thing, it makes us interesting, and fun! We just got called as the youth conference coordinators and I am more excited about going than planning, I have NO idea how to be a grown-up and plan an event! I love reading your blog!

Matt and Mandy said...

PS - sorry for the essay comment ;)

Collin and Hilary Hanson said...

i absolutly love this post. my favorite one (or my inner child) is the husband going to bed early scenario. I do the same thing and also in alot of different situations.... me: hey lets go to the grocery store, but you dont have to go if you dont want to(cuz i know he doesnt like to go). husband: ok i'll stay home then. me: what?! and then continue to whine and complain until i get my way. totally me too. I do it all the time.

Rach said...

I love you! I miss you! Scott and I are mad at you guys for not moving out to San Fran!
About you being crazy...does your mind still wander and you can't concentrate very well? Cause remember what that psychology test said about that??? I think you really are crazy!! j/k
I am glad you made Nate stay up with you. He needs to do everything you say. I tried my hardest to train him when we were young. If you need to, remind him about Rumplestilskin! We miss you guys! Ty prayed for "baby Lyla" in his prayer yesterday. It was so cute. Love you!

Two and Two = Family said...

Kelly....I'm 43 and still have some of the same thoughts and feelings. I think that it is okay to be "young" as long as you know when and where to be that way and for what reason.
I love being with Robert and his high school friends. My years in HS were terrible and I hated every minute of it, but with Robert and his friends I feel a part of that come out in me. I joke and play with them when I can, yet I also remember that I'm a mother and that I need to set the example. It is a hard line to follow, but possible.
Oh and by the way, you are still young, so enjoy while you can and why Lyla doesn't know the difference! :P
Miss you!!!

Michael and Shelley said...

I feel like that ALL the time. But I don't have a baby and I am often mistaken for one of the young women no matter how adult I try to act. haha! Love your posts!

Dale, Julie, Jaxon, & Max said...

And this is why you are a perfect fit for Young Women's. It's the place they send people (like you & me) that still have some growing up to do ; )

Tasha and Ryan said...

I totally agree with your post! I think I will always have that struggle between myself- and i love it because that's what keeps us young and fun! =) And 24 Ryan and I are sooo addicted! We are on season 2 and we watch it e very night unti labout 1:30 a.m. maybe i should be getting sleep before the baby comes ehh?? haha how are you liking chicago?