skool iz kool

For the past what seems like FOREVER, Nate has been prepping to go back to school to get his MBA. Between studying for the GMAT and actual applications, he spent at least 100+ hours getting ready to apply. Worst. Process. Ever. It seriously was some of the worst months of our married lives. Anyhoo, over the past two weeks we heard from all the schools he applied to and found that his hard work paid off. So now we get to decide between these two schools...

vs.

Or as I like to look at it... North Carolina vs. Southern California :) Both are BEAUTIFUL places. Well, I've never been to NC but I've heard wonderful things. But there are so many benefits for BOTH schools that it is just going to be a really tough decision. All I know is that I am moving somewhere WARMER! Yesssss!

But in all seriousness, we just feel extremely blessed that he actually got into a school and even more so that we get a choice. We were pretty nervous. I'm proud of you N8r Sk8r! <3 ya!

We'll keep ya'll updated once we make our official decision.

Brookfield Zoo outing

We had a rare week in the Chicago area where it was WARM! Well, relatively warm... like mid 50's. Good enough! So a group of us mom's decided to take our kids to the zoo and Lyla was THRILLED to be outside running around!

Chasing her buddy Jaxon

With her friends Graham and Jaxon.

Ly had a little bit of a freak out in the Children's Petting zoo. She did NOT like the the rooster's cocka-doodle-dooing in her face and she did NOT like the goats walking toward her. I guess they were supposed to just sit there...

Trying to show concern/offer comfort while trying not to laugh. It was pretty funny because she would cry because she was afraid of the roosters and how loud they were, and then she would laugh because she thought they were funny, then cry, then laugh. You get the point.

Trying to let her know that everything would be okay and that the goat wasn't going to "get" her.

She liked this goat since it wasn't moving.

Ruby was mad that for the first part of the zoo she was in her stroller. She wanted in on the action! So I went all the way back to my car to get the baby carrier so she could enjoy the sun and the zoo. She. Was. In. Heaven. Anyway, by the end of the day we were all exhausted and Ruby fell asleep without me even realizing it.

Things I have learned from this outing:

1) When I try to comfort/calm Lyla, I put my face right into hers. Weird, I know.

2) I need an Ergo Baby Carrier. It has been on my wish list for MONTHS but it is just so dang expensive!! But the weight on my back and shoulders from my Bjorn is killer.

3) Lyla feels threatened by rooster's and goats.

She's so grown up!

While I was at Michael's the other day, I decided to get a little craft for Lyla. They had this little flower (among some other items) that were just $1! It was perfect. So, we put on some "paint clothes" and got her to work. This was Ly's first painting experience and she LOVED it! She patiently let me teach her how to use the brush and how to clean it between each color use. Then she took over and did such a great job!

That same day while I was cooking dinner or something, she decided to do dishes. So she climbed up the chair, washed a cup like a thousand times, and tried to use hand soap to clean her straw (pictured below). I love when she does things like this!
And lastly, Ly can pull a mean or sad face out of nowhere... a true drama queen. So, we finally got this action on video at the dinner table the other night. This girl never ceases to entertain us! Love you Ly!

A not-so-pretty post...

I know this is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it. But there are so many times where I just want to write what I am thinking or feeling but I am always worried about feeling stupid, offending someone, or just making things too personal. I don't know where that line is. And I know that's probably what journals are for. Oh well. Anyway, today is one of those days where I just have a lot on my mind and I just want to vent and if I don't do it, then I will probably just be crying all day. So, since I am still in my "mourning stage" (how long does that last?) I am excusing myself for just writing how I'm feeling. Right now. In this moment. Here I go...

**Disclaimer: I whine. And I like it. :)

It sucks not having my mom around. I hate it. Yes, I am grateful for the plan, and I am grateful she is finally free from her body. Yadayadayada. That isn't what this is about. It's about me missing her and it sucks not being able to just TALK to her. Even if it's about NOTHING. in 8 days it will have been 2 months since she passed. And it's been about 2 months exactly since I had a normal conversation with her. I never realized how great and important and therapeutic talking on the phone (or in person) about nothing (or something), especially to my mom, actually means to me. Or just having that someone who will just call you just to chat or whatever. Nate is great. He really is. And he is there for me as much as he can and we talk about anything and everything. And I love it. But he is also gone on average 9-10 hours a day and has to actually WORK, then come home and bond with his daughter's and just us as a family unit. He is a great husband and father. So, I guess I am talking about non-spousal, meaningful, real, and CONSISTENT communication that I feel like I am just completely missing out on. It probably doesn't help that we only have one car so I am stuck at home almost every day. Anyway, I know there are people I can probably call "just because", but let's be honest, I feel weird doing that, especially when they don't call me, and I am terrified of awkward silences. And I'm always worried they are thinking "this is sort of weird, why is she calling me?" "Does she have a point to this conversation? Just get to it already!" "Wow, she sucks at small talk". "I really don't have the time for this, but I want to be polite, so, ummmm...". Does anybody else worry about those things? Probably not. Moving on. I guess I just miss having regular, frequent, phone chats about nothing. And I miss hearing about my mom's "nothingness" as well. And I miss having someone who just "get's me" and doesn't judge me and they just laugh's at my ridiculousness. I miss being able to vent to someone (which is probably why I am ranting on my freakin' blog! Bah!!). I know. It sounds so lame. It does. But I think you'd feel the same if you were in my boat. Maybe? Don't answer that. But for those of you who HAVE lost someone really close to you like my mom was to me, isn't it weird that life just moves on for everyone else? The first few weeks are fine because you have an overwhelming amount of love and support being shown to you. And it is wonderful and so helpful. But after that, it seems like people just forget. I know they probably haven't, but it just seems that way. And I know I am guilty of not following up with people after they have lost someone. But now that I really know how it is, I think I'll do better. At least I am going to try my darndest to. Because for the few who have mentioned to me that they knew that the weeks and months after the first few weeks of your loss are the hardest because it seems that everyone has just moved on, it was such a huge relief and a tender mercy that someone at least understood. And really, I hope I don't make anyone feel bad with this post. And if someone comes up to me about this post and says "I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah", I'll be totally embarrassed. I don't want anyone to feel bad and I don't want anyone to feel obligated to start calling me, haha! I'm not THAT desperate! Life goes on and people are busy. I get that. And I am not upset with anyone. And I know I sound desperate and lonely and all that stuff. Whatever. I hate feeling sorry for myself. Aaaand at the same time I love it. Gosh I sound really self-centered. Bah! I'm going to go be productive now.

Ly's hair and funny stories

She's getting more hair!! I've been trying to find different ways I can style Lyla's hair. It's sort of at an awkward point where I don't want to cut it because she finally has hair we can do something with, but it's pretty long in other places. For example, her bangs were getting pretty long and started to get into her eyes... but they were also very scarce. So, I literally trimmed 5 strands. Anyway we usually do pigtails, which we love on her. But I wanted to try something different. So I tried the "half-up, half-down" style on her and it totally worked! I just have to make sure it's wet when we do it otherwise it's a lost cause. Anyway, here it is...

I love being able to do her hair!

Lastly, here are a couple of funny stories about Lyla...

She is a total nurturer...

• She wanted me to teach her to swaddle her dolls and stuffed animals and once they are swaddled, she holds them, puts them on the play mat and turns the music on, puts them in the jumper, feeds them, burps them, etc. It's so funny to watch.

• She love taking care of Ruby. Every morning when both the girls wake up, Lyla wants to lay next to Ruby and just talk to her... Ruby loves it!

• Any time Ruby starts to cry, Lyla either says: "Ruby's crying! Go get her!" OR "Ruby's crying! I'll get her". And then she'll run and sit with her to give her her binki or comfort her.

• The other day Lyla was at the table eating lunch and Ruby was taking a nap. Out of nowhere, Ruby starts screaming, and I could tell something was hurting her. I'm pretty sure it was a gas bubble or something so I back in the room and I was trying to help her work it out while she is still screaming in pain. And I hear Lyla yelling from across the apartment saying "IT'S OKAY RUBY! IT'S OKAY!!!!!!". It was so funny and cute. She loves her sister!

• Whenever I have an owie of sorts she always says "What happened? Are you okay? Does it hurt? Oh, I'll kiss it better".

She has decided to attach herself to me...

• Lyla is ALWAYS right next to me every single day when we are home (we're sill working on the concept of space). But I really truly think that she has it in her mind that she and I are supposed to be right next to each other all day, every day (we're talking like no more than 2 feet away). And preferably, some part of our bodies are supposed to be touching whenever possible. For example: I'll be feeding Ruby food, and Lyla will be leaning really far over so she can lean on my arm when she is in a completely different chair.

• Sometimes this whole "space issue" gets a little frustrating and so when I try to work it out with her and she just doesn't seem to get it (like I previously mentioned, I think she thinks it's SUPPOSED to be this way), I let out either a big sigh or a frustrated groan/growl and each time I do she gets really close to my face and goes "What? What? What? WHAT?" Haha! While that makes it even more frustrating, it is also pretty cute. Always so concerned.

Attitude

• Today Lyla wanted to play with something and I told her she couldn't. So she lowered her eyebrows into a furrow, gave me a death glare, threw down one toy she was holding, followed by the other. Then she stomped away toward the door (6 or 7 feet away) and stood there with her back facing me. Then, slowly, she turned her head to look at me over her shoulder and gave me that same nasty, furrowed eyebrow, glare. Nate was right next to her working on something and so he was watching the whole thing. Then Lyla turns her head from me then turns her head back to me again for another glare. She repeated this process a few times and each time her glare became more and more friendly until she was totally fine and finally went about her business. Nate and I were both dying inside, trying not to ruin her thunder. It was so funny!

I love my sweet girl!

GNO

Our good friends, the Wright's and the Lambert's are moving away... AT THE SAME TIME! Which, if you ask me, is pretty ridiculous and just wrong. Each of them are moving on to the next chapter in their lives AND they are both moving closer to family. So I can't really blame them and I am happy for them. But they are leaving a HUGE dent in not only our ward but also in our circle of friends because they are irreplaceable. And simply stated, I'm pretty sad about it. So last night we got together for a last and much needed girl's night out...

Unfortunately we took this picture after Francie left and we were also missing a few other girls who weren't able to make it.

Honestly, I had such a good time with these girls. We had so many fun and funny conversations and I just came home in such a great mood. It was a good last girls night out with Jill and Liesl and I'm really going to miss them! Thanks for a fun time ladies!!