Thursday, November 1, 2012

a little tooooo ironic... oh yeah I really do think

I was going through some old posts to see what Lyla was like when she was 2 years old so I could see how different or alike she and Ruby were at that age.  Anyway, and as I was looking I came across a birthday tribute I wrote for my mom a little over a month before she died.  I am so glad I wrote this and that she was able to actually read it and know just how much I love her.

Mom and me.  Don't you just love my little big dot on my forehead? :)

Anyway, as I was reading her birthday post, I came across this little paragraph...

"When I was 2 years old, my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. She was going through a lot at that time in her life and she knew that she would more than likely end up in a wheelchair in the years to come. I cannot imagine how I would feel getting that diagnosis when I still had young children to raise. But she did. And you know what? She has handled everything like a champ."

Cue music.... "It's like raaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiinn....."

Anyway, I've been missing this woman a lot lately.  I miss talking to her.  A lot.  She listened to everything I had to say and laughed at my ridiculousness.  And now, more than ever, she would have understood me even more than she already did.  I know she is there with me and I really can feel her around me (like right now), but sometimes I just wish I could just lay my head on her shoulder and talk and laugh and cry about anything and everything.  And then as she would laugh or cry I would wipe away her tears, and she would end up blowing huge snot bubbles (as she always did when she cried) and I would be so grossed out as I wiped them away but we would be laughing nonetheless.  And then I'd have to work my magic to straighten her long, skinny fingers since they often would curl up into fists.  I miss taking care of her with all the little things she needed help with.  I know my mom is proud of me, but sometimes I wish I could hear her say the words.  There is something calming and hopeful when you hear your parent tell you that they are proud of you.  I can just imagine that when I do finally get to see her again (hopefully that won't happen for a long time), she and I are going to have a looooooooooooong, long chat. :)  And hopefully all this missing her will make our reunion that much sweeter.
I know I use this picture a lot.  But I love it.  She looks beautiful, happy, and carefree.
On a much happier and more positive note, my cousin Megan is coming to visit us for a week!  SO excited!
Me and Meg when we just had our pool built.  Isn't her hair awesome? 


Haley said...

What a beautiful post. I love that last picture of your Mom. You two have the exact same eyes. What a beautiful lady!

I'm so sorry you don't have her literally nearby, but I'm so thankful that you can feel her close. I'm sure she stays very, very near you and your sweet girls.

Ashley said...

What a beautiful picture of your Mom!

Katie said...

You look so much like your mom! Both beautiful :)

Rachel and Eric said...

I really just need to write you a super long e-mail, but for now, I will just say that you are looking gorgeous and Lyla is totally a mini, brown-haired YOU, and you're a mine version of your mom, and you are all just beautiful! We need to catch up. Looking at all the fun fall stuff in Durham is seriously painful...we miss it so much!

Brian and Emily said...

your thoughts about your mom are beautiful and mirrored so many feelings I have about my dad and his temporary absence. I feel like I know you better just reading it. Thank you for sharing- you beautiful lady!

joel and laura michelle said...

oh kelly, i love you.

Shelley said...

I love you, Kelly!! I know your mom is right there with you, looking over you and giving you strength!